Rant and Community

Forgive me because I’m going to vent a little bit.

The other day, I purchased two new smoke detectors for the house. I live on a small island with around 1,300 full time residents. I differentiate full time because during the summers, we have at least double that. Because the island is small, the family trips to visit relatives and friends are bookended by quick stops to pick up things that are either hard or expensive to get locally. That was the case here. We needed to get some things from Home Depot, during a trip to Vancouver, so we picked up some smoke detectors while we were at it.

When I got home and went to install them, I was surprised to see that a screw was missing. I went searching around the rest of the packaging and I couldn’t find it. I took a closer look at the screws and I realized what was going on:

The plastic package had been ripped open and one screw was missing. Here’s what I think happened: someone else either lost or broke a screw so they went to Home Depot, opened a package, took a screw, and then closed the box and put it back on the shelf. The nerve of some people. If I had inspected the package at Home Depot, I may have noticed it had been opened but the box was in good shape so it wasn’t obvious. I’ll admit, it’s not a huge deal because I have a few screws laying around and it’s not hard to find a similar one. It still irks me though. What was that person thinking?

This got me thinking: would that person have done this if they knew me? Would they have opened the box, taken the screw, and then smiled and handed me the box saying “Go ahead and buy it.” Would they do it to their friend? I doubt it. People generally don’t treat strangers that way and especially not people they care about. People do this kind of thing when they can hide behind anonymity. When they don’t see or feel the effect of their actions. That’s why people are so much angrier when they are behind the wheel of their car on the road or behind their screen on the internet. They feel anonymous and don’t see or feel the humanity right in front of them.

Another Example

During that same Vancouver trip, I was on a walk with my nieces and nephews and a jogger almost crashed into them. Or maybe they almost crashed into him - I didn’t really see it. I did hear him half-shouting expletives as he went by. Normally, I would let this pass but for some reason this one bugged me so I took off and chased the guy down. I’ll paraphrase our conversation a little because I don’t remember the exact words but it was something like this:

Me: Hey, that’s not okay. These are kids and they are playing.

Him: Oh… you heard that. Sorry. I was meaning to mumble it under my breath and I guess it came out loud. Sorry. It has happened to me a few times already this week.

Me: Yeah, still. Not okay.

Him: Yes, you’re right. Thanks for speaking up.

The guy was actually apologetic and realized he’d been wrong. It’s a public park and, yes sometimes kids get in the way of your jog but, you need to relax.

Would he have yelled at his own nieces and nephews? Would he have said it to kids of his friends? I doubt it. We all make mistakes and I think it’s good of him to own up to it.

Anonymity, Relationships, and Community

If people do bad things when they are anonymous then I would say that relationships make the world a better place. People behave better when they know the other person that is feeling the effects of their actions. I’m sure there are psychologists out there who could poke holes in this theory but for me, it feels right. Obviously we can’t be friends with everyone but community helps.

Living in a small Island community makes me feel closer to other people. Although I don’t know everyone personally, and there are many faces that I couldn’t name, I wave and smile at most cars that pass by on the road because I recognize the person and want to be friendly. I feel the loss or pain when someone else is hurting. When someone dies or loses a job, we still rally around people because we care - even if we don’t know them personally. When we see the medical helicopter coming to handle an emergency we all pause to reflect.

Community also helps build shared values. All 1,300 of us share limited ground water, limited farm land, travel by BC Ferries weekly, and grapple with a destructive deer overpopulation. Living on Mayne means having to confront these challenges daily and we all face the same challenges. The community responds by helping each other manage water, food, or picking up items for each other on ferry trips, and building deer fences. We are united by our common struggles.

Imperfect Community

That’s not to say the island community is perfect. Mayne Island definitely has cliques and between them there can be very ugly conflicts. To work around this, I have inserted myself into several different communities and try to keep my ears listening to the different points of view. I have helped build relationships between the school and the community centre and the church and the school because I’m part of those communities. I’ve met several firefighters and contractors by playing softball in the summer and gained insights and deeper appreciation for their work. In each mini community, I try to earn their trust by showing up and working hard and hoping that will give me a voice of influence when (or if) a conflict arises.

It can be hard to break into community. I mentioned that the island population doubles in the summer months and many of the locals feel stressed about it. Part of that stress is because they enjoy the quiet space that is being taken over by others. Another part of that stress is losing the sense of community. New people means change and we, as humans, don’t like change. Change is important though.

Even imperfect community is better than anonymity. When I accidentally pick up the wrong lumber from Home Hardware they trust me to make it right and I’m glad to do it. I would not take a screw from a box and put the box back on the shelf because I know and trust the people working there and they trust me. I want to keep that trust and keep a good standing in the community.

Quieter Life

I’m jotting down a few ideas about community to remind myself why it matters. I want to be in community to be part of what is going on, feel connected to my fellow humans, influence our collective direction, and challenge myself to be a better person.

I definitely don’t want people re-shelving open boxes or yelling at kids and thinking that’s okay. We all make mistakes but if we know the people, we are less likely to make them and more likely to make amends after.